A New Day is Dawning: Cowan's Beware

           So the Winter Solstice was a terrible failure, with seemingly no interest from anyone in the event itself, except for a few people who sent their sincere regrets beforehand. However, at this point, this was really not a surprise. (Those who would blame the event itself should know that I held almost this exact same event in Delaware two years ago, and it was an enormous success with a tremendous number of costumed participants.)

           Looking back, it’s been a very disappointing and disillusioning year:

           Only one person intentionally came to my Tag day celebration on March 14th, although I was fortunate enough to recruit about ten random passers by into various games of Tag that were meant to commemorate the Serpents return to Ireland.

           The Cocooning at One World’s End, which marked the Spring Equinox with ritual cocoonings for anyone interested in a little hypnotic rebirthing, was ignored in much the same way, save only by those who I likewise managed to inflict myself upon.

           The Underground Batman Fan Club’s attempted foiling of a human sacrifice on 4/20 was a nominal success only because the people who were supposed to be behind the mock human sacrifice, despite extensive preplanning and forewarning, backed out at the last minute. No one else was really looking for them or training anywhere offline anyway.

           Despite a host of “sponsors,” no one attended the Narthex event in May, nor could I find any support in the firespinning community for a zombie circus that was being held at Monroeville Mall as a fundraiser to fight epilepsy… Come to think of it I’m not sure why anyone thought it was a good idea to spin fire around a bunch of epileptics in the first place, but the point is that the lack of regard that I was shown by quite a few people was very revealing (One guy even told me he couldn't make it that day before I even told him when it was). Let’s not even talk about the time I set off a firework during one of my spins.

          I’ve had about three or four separate Superhero training events this year, all of which were completely unattended, save for one random stranger who actually came to hear me present at Assemble in October. I was so grateful for her that I even went so far as to give her a job as a superhero instructor, which, in hindsight I acknowledge was probably asking too much.

           Finally, at various times throughout the year I’ve invited literally dozens of different people, people who claim to be martial artists, to come with me to spar with the students at the Black Mountain Kung Fu School in Homestead. Such people have said, time and time again, that they would meet me there, but not one of these people has ever had the balls to actually show up.

           I’m tired of hearing the self serving excuses of the weak and the insipid. I am going to change a few things from now on so that 2012 will be a very different year for Simon Zealot:

           First off, no more invitations; from now on, if I’m feeling generous, I will extend permissions, but only to those who I think really deserve it. I will be planning to work alone from here on out.

           The newly created Zealot Industries will no longer hold events that happen for you; from now on, events will happen to you, or possibly with you, but backing out is no longer an option I will suffer lightly. I am now an unstoppable one man show and I will make sure that my audiences will all have little choice but to watch in disbelief or, if I’m feeling kind, run.

           If you wish you can visit the new Facebook page for Zealot Industries and see what I’m up to there, but you’ll have to come to me if you think you have a pair, but from now on, I will be assuming that you don’t and won’t be allowing you to waste my time. Namaste indeed.

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