Io! Io!! THANATEROS!!! (A New Approach)

           It's official; Simon Zealot is starting a highly focused magical cult. I'm tired of dancing around the issue of my obvious authority in this regard, pandering to the fickle interests of the general public like some puerile milquetoast, over-extending endless invitations to undisciplined Cowans whose contrived and conventional comforts have been allowed to overshadow my unparalleled creative urges.

           No longer.

           Dues are $80 a month, you have until Friday to sign up, and then I'm launching our first magical undertaking; ushering us all into a Chaos Magick boot camp called Simon Zealot's Illuminates of Thanateros:

           "This Independent Initiatory Order of the Illuminates of Thanateros (also known as "The I.I.O.O.T.I.O.T" or, more simply, "Io! Io!! THANATEROS!!!) is limited only to those who have foolishly sworn to attempt a grueling year long curricula of ridiculously intensive magical labors, consisting of the occult exercises proscribed within Liber MMM, Liber LUX, Liber NOX, Liber KKK and culminating triumphantly, for those who survive, in a loose and entirely personal interpretation of Liber AOM. So as not to confuse anyone, I'd like to note here that we are in no way affiliated with the "real" Illuminates of Thanateros (a.k.a. The Pact) as those guys are wankers (probably)."

           Of course this is just the tip of the iceberg; Through out this highly individualized and self-defining magical practicum, we'll be working on the realization of your best and highest Self, what one might call your "Magical Imago," the greatest conceivable version of you that any of us might hope to both imagine AND BUILD here on Earth.

           I currently have three disciples although I won't be surprised if this new mad bullshitless approach doesn't thin my already meager flock to zero, but I simply can't let that possibility scare me into mincing my magical intentions any longer. I know the path that I have to walk. I've shared just a brief glimpse of it here with all of you. You could, obviously, attempt to work through all this without me, as I would attempt to do without any of you, but, if history is any indicator of the future, I don't think either of us would probably succeed that way. Join me, however, gird your will with mine, and I will promise to do everything in my power to get you to exactly where YOU tell me that YOU need to go (Unless, basically, your vision bores me, in which case I may still allow you to monopolize my precious time but, of course, it would have to be for a much, MUCH, higher fee; I mean, that's only fair, right?).

           Yet should you decide to carry on in your same untempered way, then, of course, good luck, good riddance, good grief, and, as always, Namaste.

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2 Responses
  1. I once considered forming an order that cost 666,000 dollars to join

    I wouldn't get many students but I would only need one.

  2. This should be well worth it at the cost listed above. The magical work we'll be doing and the hour minimum of facetime with each individual member each week should generate at least an additional $80 for each member.

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