The Tragic Fate of Simon Pure

"Angel of God, my guardian dear,
to whom God's love commends me here,
ever this day be at my side,
to rule, to guard, to light and guide;
but if I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take
        -Guardian Angel Prayer

          To the growing few who've heard of them, the so-called "Amazing Aeons" are as close as it gets to an actual Gnostic Superhero Team; an otherwise fraudulent spirit medium, who goes by the name of Simon Pure, currently working with a small but potent group of disincarnate intelligences. Mr. Pure has garnered some amount of public acclaim as of late for the impressive feats which he and his mysterious spiritual assistants have apparently accomplished, but most recently he's even launched his own website at, now offering his unique brand of magical problem solving to the public at large, for a reasonable fee of course.

          Ironically, such commercial glory is the very thing which will almost certainly destroy the foolish Simon Pure. You see, while this man's claims of communication with the dead all appear to me to be simple acts of mentalism, his recent magical displays are not. The fact is that Simon Pure has finally found real magick. However, cautionary tales regarding these particular ghostly forces were documented long ago in the grimiores of Valentinian Wizards, and it was in one such tome that I can only assume that Mr. Pure learned these spirit's names. You can find some scant mentions of them even here on-line. They are Kathegetes (kath-ayg-ay-TACE, "the Guide"), Lutrotes (loo-tro-TACE, "the Redeemer"), Karpistes (kar-pees-TACE, "the Emancipator"), Horothetes (hor-o-thay-TACE, "the Limit-setter"), and Metagogeus (meh-tah-GO-gee-us, "the Across-taker").

          Yet the most important thing, which he obviously has failed to learn, was that while this Aeonic Pentarchy are highly effective agents to call upon if and when one sincerely desires to do Good, these are not like most other recorded spirits, and the wise wizards of the past all knew much better than to ever attempt to bend such primal forces to their own wills. Of course, since I've revealed their sacred names here (I have my reasons), I should also explain why I believe that poor Mr. Pure and his commercial ambitions may not be long for this world, much like any of you who are arrogant of foolish enough to attempt to evoke the Gnostic powers I've just revealed. There's always one. (Yeah, I'm taking about you.)

          Each of these five Aeonic forces serves a very different, yet vital, function in one's battle against evil, imparting impressive powers to those who know how and when to use each of their five holy names. For example, the one called Kathegetes will not only inspire a brilliant plan when it's needed, but, like a good luck charm, can set enormous wheels in motion with just the smallest spectral push. That's why they called him the purifier of the eyes. Lutrotes can fill even a heart long unaccustomed to the sensation with a compelling desire to do what's right. He's therefore known as the purifier of the heart. Karpistes binds and neutralizes those spirits which oppress the human will, while Horothetes does much the same to the far more formidable, not to mention more physical, wills of living men and woman, and thus they are called upon as the purifiers of the will and of the body, respectively.

          As impressive as these powers are they come with the greatest potential price, and not the monentary one listed at As soon as any of these names are called, the Metagogeus is awakened as well, a karmic fail safe lurking in the shadows, watching and waiting to eliminate anyone who might subvert the divine function of these angelic agents of Grace. So, Caveat Emptor: Metagogeus, the across-taker, is nothing less than the Angel of Death itself. That's why they call him the purifier of the World itself and he simply cannot be bent to any single person's will.

          It is because of him that Simon Pure, like anyone else who might one day attempt to follow in his footsteps, is playing a very dangerous game, one which nearly always ends the exact same way; the only consolation being, at least, that some amount of good will always be done first, and THAT, seeing as how you've all been properly warned as to the possible consequences of calling on them, is precisely why I've shared their names with all of you here today. Good luck and Namaste.