Warship of the Old Gods

          With so much wasted time in the average month I try to give at least one full week of attention to the New Gods and then another, if I feel it's necessary, on some decidedly delicate dealings with the Old Ones. Since the days of the week in many cultures are all already named for the Old Gods, that may appear to be a simple enough thing for many of you to figure out, but most of you might still wonder exactly who I'm "worshiping" with almost half my time, as well as precisely when, and, of course, how. Well here's a very brief breakdown, with some of those details omitted, or, at the very least, left very intentionally vague... for your own good, of course. (Remember what Confucius said about the other three corners.)

          First off, I should explain that the New Gods only really exist, in my opinion, to be grudgingly placated when necessary, heroically battled against whenever possible, and, if that's your thing, ruthlessly mastered and controlled, as they are by the Awakened Adepts of the Illuminati. Only a fool would actually worship any of these assholes intentionally, but, of course, many of us were either born fools, or, worse, assholes, or else simply raised by one or the other or both, so don't feel bad if you've arrived late, or not at all, to this particular black panther-esque party. These are all very popular Gods of the modern age, and you probably currently worship at least two or three, if not more, of them. Most of you guys are, after all, still only human.

          That said, I'll just lay out the table here and let you figure out how best to eat what's being served (I suggest tiny bites, from below):

  Monday's are for Santa Claus, the God of Consumerism.

  Tuesday's are for the Authoritarian, the God of Authoritarianism.

  Wednesday's are for the Pale Warden, the God of Mind Control.

  Thursday's are for the Ultima Thule, the God of Corporatism.

  Friday's are for Mother Dreadful, the God of Hysterics and Doubt.

  Saturday's are for the Senex, the God of Senescence.

  Sunday's are for Mediocrates, the God of Status and the Status Quo.

          It's a bit overwhelming to face them all at once, although if I've learned anything it's that, even when they may appear to be at odds, believe me when I say that they're all in this together. I just find this pragmatic division of my spiritual labors a far most helpful way to compartmentalize my own efforts. It keeps my Great Work from becoming too, well, scattered, or dare I say completely snuffed out, by the sheer size and strength of this rather imposing opposition.

          To summarize (for those of you who are, y'know, a little slow) battling against these soul crushing forces gives shape and meaning to my currently deeply troubled existence. Perhaps it's a djinni thing and you just wouldn't understand, or perhaps you get it completely and we are now both a little bit less alone. Post-Traumatic Growth is sort of an acquired taste, I guess.

          Oh yeah... I almost forgot the Old Gods (Haven't we all though?). You probably know and understand them by their more common names. However, I personally find their Norse, their Greek, their Roman, or even their Hebrew names, as well as these more conventional spiritual conceptions, all rather bland in comparison to the ones I'm listing below, but, hey, whatever energies give YOU the strength to do what you got to do. Besides, you could always get all that other information really almost anywhere else. I'm not here to give you what you want, but rather, what you actually need, which, in this case, just happens to be some Old Gods that you can drop like astral atomic bombs. Yeah. You're welcome.

          On that note:

                Monday's were once for Dagon.

                Tuesday's were once for Cthulhu.

                Wednesday's were once for Nytharlathotep.

                Thursday's were once for Yog-Sothoth.

                Friday's were once for Shub-Niggurath.

                Saturday's were once for Yig.

                Sunday's were once for Azathoth.

          Remember, while their followings are all now relatively small, all of these Gods are still very, very, big. Godzilla big (if only on the inside). Desperate times, however...

          Well anyway, there's the "when" and the "who." As with the New Gods, I'll leave the "how" to your various fertile imaginations, although there's more than one version of the Necronomicon floating around out there; Perhaps you will even pen one of your own. Whatever happens, Good Luck and Namaste.

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